Holden Sheppard: Invisible Boys author says he’s not a role model

A Geraldton-born award-winning author has declared he is “not the role model you’re looking for”, after being praised for his revealing writings on sexuality, masculinity and mental health during his recent book tour.

Winner of the 2019 WA Premier’s Prize for an Emerging Writer for his debut novel, Invisible Boys, Holden Sheppard took to his blog to reflect on a comment that “got under (his) skin”, while taking part in book promotions over the past few months.

“At the end of my author talk at a library in Perth, a well-intentioned and very nice audience member asked a question that got under my skin. She asked how I felt about becoming a role model,” Sheppard wrote.

“The terror has never gone away, because most people don’t just want a ‘role model’. They want a good role model.

Invisible Boys, loosely based on Sheppard’s life, tells of a group of three different teenage boys growing up gay in Geraldton.

Sheppard has come a long way from hiding his sexuality as a young Catholic boy in the regional city, recently celebrating his two-year wedding anniversary with his husband and fellow creative professional, Raphael Farmer.

He went on to muse that trying to live up to a type of “good” person he was expected to be, but wasn’t, was what led to his mental health struggles, with his art a reflection of that and not a fame grab.

“Nobody is perfect. Nobody is even that crash hot. This is particularly true of artists. We are often damaged people ... This side of ourselves often informs much of our art, and explains why we can be navel-gazing and temperamental at the best of times,” he wrote.

“I am proof of why it’s a terrible idea to pretend you are pure ... It obliterated my own sense of identity, my own humanity, and drove me to the point of suicide. I then wrote a book about my experiences.

“My career might gain more relevance if I started ranting about sociopolitical minutiae on Twitter, but the gratification of those retweets would be cold comfort for my impaired wellbeing.”

But Sheppard lamented he had made peace with being a role model if it would help someone, even though he didn’t want the pressure of being a good one.

“I learned to be more courteous in my response. I didn’t want to come across as a completely ungrateful prick,” he wrote.

“The point is that trying to conform to the world’s estimations of what makes a good person is an unhealthy and self-destructive endeavour.

If you give yourself over to what the world thinks of you, you will lose yourself.

Invisible Boys is being adapted for TV. Sheppard is set to publish his second novel, The Brink, early next year.